A Confession: Obsessing About The Worst
Fair warning. This is a First World/Developed World problem post. It’s also a piece that’s a bit on the self-disclosurey side for my speed. However, I think it might speak to a universal problem of the human condition (and it’s short — you can read to the end, don’t worry!). So, keep reading.
Let’s begin with two notes from experts, and then I’ll speak from personal experience. Tim Keller has said many times that a parent is only as happy as her least happy child. If two of your children are changing the world for Jesus, but one of them is…not…then your happiness (or sadness) is wrapped up in the one who is toiling away in projects of futility. On a less significant note, a college professor of mine once told me that he would obsess about the one or two negative course evaluations he’d receive at the end of a semester while ignoring the dozens of positive evaluations his students would inevitably give him. He would focus on the worst while ignoring the best.
What’s going on here?
Well, let’s just examine my day for a brief moment (isn’t this what blogs are supposed to be? exercises in unnecessary and uncalled for self-disclosure?). First, I was able to complete a loan application for projects that need to be done for the sale of our house in Seattle. That’s a win! (for us, at least). Second, we heard that our two older children were accepted into a school in Chattanooga (another win!). Third, we worked with our realtor to line up teams to complete projects on our house that will, in the end, make our house more beautiful and more desirable for prospective buyers (another win!). Fourth, I spent a couple of hours with my two younger children at one of the many wonderful Seattle parks, frolicking about and enjoying the clouds and emerging sun that the Pacific Northwest provides. It was a great day! It really was.
However, and unfortunately, that is not the end of the story (or the day). First, I spent a few minutes filling up the tank of gas in my car. Enough said, right? Wow. Second, I spent 2.5 hours (2 and a half hours!) on hold with the IRS, trying to get to the bottom of why we have not received our (I think, deserved) refunds from the last two years of tax filings. After enduring the interminable, maddening music, I gave up. My inner libertarian (which I try to suppress, at all times) is now fully present, and I’m not quite sure how to ask him to leave.
More importantly, as I write this blog post, the stuff I’m thinking about is not the joys of the playground or school acceptance or loan application. No. Not at all. Not in the very least. Instead, despite the preponderance of evidence to the contrary, I focus on the bad and the frustrating. I think about inflation and bureaucratic malfeasance and incompetence. I contemplate possibilities of government overthrow and anarchy. I have visions of sadness and futility and frustration and anger. I obsess about the unsatisfactory events that occur in my life, even while the good that also happens so clearly dominates most of my existence. I fixate on the bad while ignoring the good.
The question I have is…what can be said in response to this? What counsel is there? In all honesty, is this a peculiar thing that happens to Enneagram 9’s or 2's? Or is this a universal feature of human existence? More significantly, is there any biblical advice for this? Does Jesus or the Wisdom Literature have anything to say about this? I don’t have any pithy conclusion here. I’m truly wondering what to do about it.
Suggestions welcome, as always.
